I’ve been away for a while. My mom’s been so sick. My spare moments that were for this blogging escape were filled with so much fear, so much worry, and being tired from their powerful grip.
I saw my mom at her weakest, my dad at his strongest and most vulnerable, and I was unsure where I was to be – up there, down her with my own family, at work, sitting on a log on the beach letting the wind whip my tear away. Emotionally I’ve been all over the place too. Sorry husband.
I have been lost, and scared.- Beyond scared I don’t even have a word for what I was. I went to bed early rather than face a quiet evening watching aimless tv or trying to talk about things that were too frightening to talk about. Those “quiet” evenings weren’t quiet in my brain. I didn’t/couldn’t open my computer at home for several weeks. It all seemed fake and forced.
I’m afraid to say it too loudly but my mom has had a good week. Some weight is lifting off everyone’s shoulders but I’m nervous to write to look at other parts of my life again.