Always Come Back

There's always something to do in your own backyard, grab a Glass of Rose. I'll be here


The post I never wanted to write about.

My mom has cancer…


This is the 5th time she is being forced to face this crazed opponent in an engagement.

My mom’s first comment to me after I heard the news from my brother and dad was

“Here we go again”

No one should think Cancer is routine.  When its come back time and time again, it is how you deal with it.  But still.

My stomach drops. The underlying tone of her statement is so loaded with mixed emotions.  How is that even fair that my mom must face this disease for a fifth time?  Wasn’t cervical, breast, colon and kidney enough! It has to have another go at her other kidney – seriously cancer – GFYS! Give me the burden; she doesn’t deserve it.

While I’d give anything to take this tumor from my mom I can’t.  I feel powerless, I am scared, I am mad, I am things I can’t find words for.  The tears start well up, I crush my eyes closed, Breathe in, Breathe out.  I take one more big inhale and exhale,  look up to the sky and think – We are never powerless, our courage comes from the depth of our hearts, our brains, our stomach, our nerves – We dig deep.

She is an All Star Champion.   Each time she’s stepped into the octagon previously she submitted Cancer and got the tap out.  She wears several scars as badges and is missing a few body parts due to her matches in her cancer octagon.  But She is a survivor!  That is her power.

I am her cornerman. This is my power.

I will give her that little fighters stool in the corner to sit down on, I will cool her back with ice packs and hold her up when she needs it. I’ll whisper words of empowerment, health and strength, talk about future adventures and family fun to come.  I will cry, scream, and beg if I have to.

My mom is a fighter; stronger than any woman I have met or will ever meet.  She will do the only thing you can do – look that crappy disease head on and force it into submission. She holds the power.

My Mom - Love you lots

My Mom – Love you lots

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What did she say?

I have a storyteller on my hands.  She has a great memory and will tell me about family outings from a year ago or recall parts of stories that I don’t remember reading.

Driving home the other day she says, “Daddy look dark clouds, you know what that means?”

Dad, “What’s that mean?”

With a brooding expression she replies, “A STORM is COMING!”

Took me weeks to realize it was from an Olivia book, I was impressed she could relate that part of the book with real storm clouds in the distance.

Dark Clouds Above

Dark Clouds Above


Baby I Got Your Money – Learning About Money

There are two things Little A loves right now: using a spray bottle and coins.  I thought I’d switch up the window cleaning she usually asks to do and use this time to learn about money.  My low windows were cleaned the other night so we were good in that department.

I also like to find activities that don’t take any artistic “talent” from me because its too much pressure for me. I am craft-phobic.

But lets go back to Little A’s money cleaning. She is learning what coins look like… what is a toonie, a loonie, a quarter, a dime, a nickel and a penny.

I emptied some change onto her table and Little A got to choose which one she wanted to “clean” first.

Loose Change to choose from

Loose Change to choose from

I let Little A figure out how she wanted to play this game.  I think it is important to let her create her own play, I want to encourage her to think/create on her own.  Oh who am I kidding -I had no real idea how how I was going to have this time play out. So I told her to clean one at a time so we could talk about it.  How she cleaned it was up to her.

She started with a wipe and laid it out on the table, then squirted the heck out of it.

Spraying the wipe getting it good and wet

Spraying the wipe getting it good and wet

Next she picked out a coin and laid it on the wipe then folded the wipe over and over in a precise manner, well as precise as a two year old can. She obviously had a plan, glad someone did.

Folding the wipe over the money to clean it

Folding the wipe over the money to clean it

The next step was letting her clean it however she wanted.  Happy as a bee!

washing the coin clean

washing the coin clean

After that we looked at the money and what each side was so she’d recall what a ship was or what a beaver, or loon etc.  Little A enjoyed when she got the coins correct.

looking at the money to figure out what each one is

looking at the money to figure out what each one is

It was an easy little lesson on money without feeling like I was a tiger mom and pushing learning on her.  Maybe she’ll take an interest in coins and be able to hang out with her djudgi (my dad) as he’s a collector.

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Firelog channel please don’t go

I love the firelog channel.  I don’t have a fireplace currently but grew up with fireplaces in most of my homes and enjoying bonfires.  My mom and I would alternate standing in front of our fireplace warming ourselves or getting so hot we couldn’t stand to be in front of the crackling fire any longer.

I like the firelog channel so much a good friend bought me a DVD of the fire log and I love a quiet evening alone reading with the firelog crackling in the background.  But I mainly obsess over the firelog when it is the holiday season and I can flip to the channel for an hour here or there.

Soon that channel will be gone.  I am sad. The firelog represents near zero schedules, relaxed days, family time, I am not ready for that to end, I am not ready to get into the swing of 2013.

Nothing beats a warm fire crackling

Nothing beats a warm fire crackling

I want more holiday time.

I want casual fun days with my hubby and Little A.

I want slow mornings.

I want to wake  after 8 am and the first noise to hear to be that of my daughter calling my name, not the annoying chime of the alarm clock.

I want to sing christmas carols and listen to holiday stations.

I want mid day walks with our dog collecting chestnuts, twigs, rock and other things to give to the squirrels.

I want to hang out with my extended family, laughing and eating.

I want to share late night conversations with my husband and some great wine.

That is what the firelog means to me. It makes me physically warmer and keeps me connected to the happiness of the holidays. I will flip to the firedog a few more times throughout January to help me ease back into the full swing of the new year.

Enjoy some firedog

Happy New Year